Circle the good/effective parts then describe what is within this outline in the column on the right hand side of the page
It was a long, leafy lane and his house was at the end of it. The sunlight caught the lake beside it so that it shone like diamonds.The place seeemed to be almost perfect.	Alliteration Simile
I suppose you are wondering who lived there ? Well, I'll tell you in a minute but first let me finish describing the place. The sound of birdsong almost seemed to fill the air and even in winter the most delightful scent of woodsmoke wafted into the air.	Question of reader Multisensory locational writing Multisensory locational writing
You might expect that the person who lived there would be the happiest ever, but you would be wrong. He walked down the lane each night with his shoulders hunched and his bottom lip trembling.It was because he could see things that neither you nor I can see.	Show not tell
First there was the child who stood in the same spot, face as white as snow. Every day he stood there in the same spot where he had been run over thirty years before and only Mr. Grimm could see him. His heart would beat wildly as he passed and the child would always stare directly at him.	Simile Adverb of manner
One cold, grey,damp, drizzly morning Mr. Grimm passed that spot and the child spoke. He shuddered. His heart thudded. He turned to face the child. I suppose that was how the real haunting began.	List sentence Short sentences for tension

HERE IS A FURTHER EXAMPLE

The wind screamed through the tree tops. It was an eerie sound, a sound that the bravest would find terrifying. There was, however, a clearing in the forest where the witch lived. Her eyes were like furnaces and her fingers were short, sharp spears.	Personification of wind Metaphor and alliteration
When I first met her I lied and said that I was charmed to see her. (Inside, however, I was trembling with fear.) What, you may ask, was I doing visiting a witch ? Well I was there to see if the rumours were true or if it had all been invented.	O.I. sentence Question of reader
It was a small, derelict house with an overgrown weed - riddled garden but she called it home and inside, above the fire a cauldron bubbled. It was when I noticed the small, silent black cat that I became nervous.	2A sentence List sentence
'Is that yours ?' I asked. 'Why, of course' she replied. I then asked her if the broom was also hers and she told me that indeed it was. You can imagine how nervously I waited there, that was until our conversation stopped. During that time I was more nervous than ever before.	Direct speech Direct speech Reported speech Adverb of manner